We're back.

The countdown to HAWAII is down to 8 days! And what a better reason to revive this blog, especially with my going away party on the horizon.

Now because I didn't want to show my previous girlfriend this blog I've been a slacking asshole, I haven't been able to share all of the cool shit I've been doing over the past several years. So here's a couple of items to get that ass updated.

* I hosted a roller derby after party which resulted in beer covered walls, a destroyed bed frame, lady bits everywhere, scarred knees from girls giving lap dances on my futon, neighbors inviting themselves in and speaking Bengali with one of the girls. I also saw a man "do the helicopter" with his genitals and woke up face down on my living room floor. As far as future after parties would go, I set the bar way too goddamned high and nobody has yet to match the amazingness of said party ... at least not to my knowledge. Probably not though.

* My face was within inches of Pink's sexy ass face. I froze up, standing still in pure shock. If I could travel back in time to Veronica, age 18, she'd be slightly awkward yet very excited hearing about this spectacular event. She'd also claim she was bisexual and I'd turn around to keep from laughing in her face. Yeah, you enjoy that Pink poster, sweetie.

* I took a vacation day to watch two grown women "dominate" (in horrible, amateur fashion, might I add) an overweight fire chief wearing nothing but blown-out, stained underwear. I understand the idea of not having a whole lot to choose from (I'm gay and currently living in Connecticut) but come on! If you're going to have an audience, that motherfucker better look like Magic Mike and not fat-sweat all over the place. You should also have a game plan because despite what you've said in the past, I don't think you've actually done this and it shows.

* I met Fred Armisen in Providence, Rhode Island and asked him to put a bird on it. By it I'm actually referring to my right arm. The man invited me up on stage in front of an audience and drew a bird on my right arm in Sharpie marker. It will forever be the coolest tattoo story I ever have.

* I have finally discovered a place where I am uncomfortable in every possible scenario: camping with hippies. Turns out I do not vibe well with people who cry about their children becoming full blown Republicans nor do I enjoy hanging out in a circle to talk about feelings. I also have problems taking a man who calls himself Sky Otter seriously and I cannot hold hands with strangers while we stare out into the forest looking for something to speak to us. The only thing that spoke to me was my inner conscious telling me to get the fuck out of there.

I'm sure I'll go into detail about a few of these stories in the future. For now I am getting a step ahead of myself and functioning on Aloha Time.